Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Spoetry in Motion

My friend Kim has a serious SPAM problem. You see, those crafty spammers have come up with a nifty new way to get past the filters. They include odd snippets of poetry and/or prose in their spam for viagra or whatever. How very...Dada. Here are a few examples that she sent me:

"Back at the three nomads who were emulating their leader, all with
their arms raised, as though sniffing their armpits. Its safe now.
Can we talk about this?"
Reminds me of that scary pic Anne had up a while back.

"sunny, holiday Liokukae. Which opened wider to reveal the group of
very ugly-looking individuals who were waiting outside. They were
dressed in an astounding variety of clothing - it looked like all the..."

"...of Liokukae will not be surprised at all when you arrive there. Questions? A big one. Has the communication been set up?
"Somebody liked Liokukae enough to make 2 different prose clips - tres bizarro. I googled Liokukae and discovered it's from a series of Sci-Fi books, so these 2 spammers are also plagiarists.

"A summons for you, oh lucky ones. Iron John will see you in the Veritorium. Come! We went-since we had little choice. For a change Goldy was not in a..." Hitting the male-coming-of-age classic.

" gait noble, my conscience pure. I put on my funky bejeweled spectacles and looked through the door. The ultrasound image was fuzzy. But clear enough to reveal figures..." I want those glasses. Oddly reminiscent of a certain religious leader's story, er, experience.

"...not be hurt-but only if you answer truthfully. You have seen this thing? They fled. We found it in their skyship. I touched it, unclean..." Bad Sci-Fi!

"...humor. I flipped through the list. Slim pickings among the ladies who ran the gamut from B1 to B4. Pipe-organ player, not very likely, harmonica, tuba-and a singer." Flat out bizarre - huh?!

"...beginning to lose his patience. Imp of Satan . . . work of the devil . . . I warned them, but they wouldnt listen . . . the grave, the grave!" Apocalyptic street preacher?!

"...sandwiches. The Admiral was slumped asleep in the armchair and snoring like a rocket exhaust. There were no answers here, so some questions were very much in order. Which gave me the sweet pleasure of waking..." Mmm, sandwiches.

"a minute. Eighty rounds a second, explosive and armor piercing.
Since when have you been an armament authority, Aida? I asked.
Since a long time back, -sweetie-pie. In my heyday I was required to..."
This manages to sound violent and oddly sexual at the same time. Guess that's not a big stretch - get it, stretch..ah, never mind. My little grey cells are in the gutter.

"...everyone is standing like they are frozen. Nothing moves-but nothing.
Then when I look back I see that the two metal things have vanished.
So I am beginning to feel like I am going around the mental bend."
This is my absolute favorite. Exactly how I felt after reading all this junk.

I think Kim's right. These people have done too much acid. On the other hand, she has admitted to becoming addicted to the weirdness. I understand that a 12-step program is in development to deal with this growing problem.

If you want to read more about this, er, spanomenon, here's a link to a site dedicated to this so-called "spoetry." Unfreakin' believable.


At 6:35 AM, Blogger M.E Ellis said...

How bizarre!


At 6:41 AM, Blogger Christian said...

Sounds Burroughsian. Or is that Burroughesque? Burroughsy? You know what I mean.

At 8:31 AM, Blogger mai wen said...

This is hilarious! Thanks for sharing.

At 9:18 AM, Blogger M. G. Tarquini said...

I opened a couple of those.

Then I closed and deleted them.

At 9:30 AM, Blogger Sandra Ruttan said...

I hate spam.

At 9:41 AM, Blogger anne frasier said...

has anybody noticed that many times the snippets seem to come from your own emails? that's what really creeps me out.

At 9:44 AM, Blogger angie said...

I never, ever open spam, so I wouldn't have known about this if my friend hadn't started sending me these snippets. A little investigation here & there & BINGO! a new trend has been named. Weird, weird, weird.

At 10:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate those damn Viagra adverts. Don't like door to door salespeople either. If and when I need what's being sold, I'll figure out where to get it. I hope.


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